I was at a cocktail event with some clients a week ago and stumbled into quite the debate.

It was about the cake baker that was slapped by the government for not wanting to bake a wedding cake for a gay couple.

Those of you who’ve been following my writing know that I do my best to avoid getting in the middle of controversial or political topics.

Ha.

(Author’s note: for those of you who may be “meeting” me for the first time, that was sarcasm.)

I jumped in and made the case that the government shouldn’t have interfered in the free market.

Here’s my argument. The market dictates everything.

If I go into a bakery and order a cake…and the cake baker refuses to bake me a cake because I’m a Republican or a millennial….guess what? I don’t want his freaking cake.

Not only that, but I’m going to tell everyone what an idiot he is. Watch how quickly the market equalizes things. And don’t be surprised if an “Elephant Ears Bakery” opens right next door, marketing itself as the only baker in the area to specialize in Republican baked goods.

We Need A New Clause

A few years ago, we were almost burned by a client. The guy ended up being slapped with a whole bunch of federal grand jury indictments, and a lot of my colleagues and other business owners DID suffer.

That’s when I put the “morals and ethics” paragraph into our contracts. It basically says that if we feel that you are operating unethically, or if you feel we are, the contract can be terminated immediately.

We never used the clause. Although we should have.

About two years ago, I called up my lawyers and asked if we could change it. I wanted to shift it from being a “morals and ethics” clause to, pardon the language, the “jerk” clause.

I figured it would be an easier win in court if we ever needed to call upon it.

Judge: “Why did you decide to terminate the contract?”

Me: “Well, your honor, the guy is a jerk. And he signed the jerk clause.”

Judge: “Well, I can’t argue that. Case closed. You win.”

My lawyers tell me it’s not that simple in real life. But if only, right?

We Should All Discriminate

Discriminate. It’s become such an ugly word.

In all reality, one of the definitions of the word is “to make or constitute a distinction in or between; differentiate.”

I actually think more businesses SHOULD discriminate. Not based on age or race or sex or sexuality or anything like that. (Down, liberals. DOWN.)

They should discriminate like I discriminate.

I try not to do business with people who are jerks.

It’s pretty simple, actually. It doesn’t matter what you look like. What baseball team you root for. How old you are. I discriminate based on character. And it’s saved me an insane number of headaches.

The Market Is The Market

So yes, it’s true. I discriminate in business. And I’ve put it out there for the whole world to see.

But remember. If YOU are going to judge, understand that there’s one great equalizing factor that is going to judge YOU just as hard – the market.